walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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