you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
