I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
