So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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