addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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