dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
