I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
