i can't believe i had my finger in that
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
