I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
