Who wears a wallet chain?!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
