you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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