The maid of honor just puked.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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