just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
