i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
