I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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