Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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