tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
