He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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