He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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