her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my sisters under your porch take her home
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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