Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
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