i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
