Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
