Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
