I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
