I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Apparently you make a good broom.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
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