I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I have post one night stand depression
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