DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
