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Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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