I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
