Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
