No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
