it's not cheating when I paid for it
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
