I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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