I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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