Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize