Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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