I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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