I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize