Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
