I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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