ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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