p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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