The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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