Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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