I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
