I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
