i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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