It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
