I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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