dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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