I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
