i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
