Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
