I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize