Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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