this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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