i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
