Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Green mimosas i think yes
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
