I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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