Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
