Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
